I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
