ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
