you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
