stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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