Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
