i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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