grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You made out with two different species that night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
