What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
