You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
