I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
