My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
