So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
