mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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