but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
