Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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