I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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