Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
