fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
