dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
