Me too!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
