I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your penis caused this!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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