He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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