My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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