Where is the hickey?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
