She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
