I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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