I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
