Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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