Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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