Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
