"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
