please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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