hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
