im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
