My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
