but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
