I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
