very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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