I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
