Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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