As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
