ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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