I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
