i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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