We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why do cheetos always look like penises
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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