how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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