if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
