My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
