I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
