the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
