i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
