Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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