This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
