One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
