Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
