My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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