margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
