matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We left the knife in your bed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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