I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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