he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
