I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
