In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
