I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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