Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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