I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
