Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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