if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
accomplished twins. life is a go
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
