Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize