i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
